dependent thoughts. [part one of five.]

alright, dependency.
i don’t know how i feel about you.

i think
you just may be one of the sneaky-est roots in racism.

or so i have been learning, dearest dependency.

i think
that you feed both sides of racism.

not racism as in
you are not white. but i am white.

but racism. as in
my race is superior. because you
needed my help. and i helped you.

which many times. is masked into a skin-color issue,
but skin-color is just the seemingly obvious root.

you see, i think it’s a deeper issue seeded within society(s).

i mean, you have the hand of the giver.
aka the joiner. the helper.

and if the gift is swooped-in and swooped-out
[i really like the word swoop.]
then the giver tends to walk a little higher.

you know, put a little hero in their step.
and in their smile. and in their press coverage.

and then.
the receiver accepts the gift. because they always have.

and honestly,
who doesn’t like free things? but really,

it could become possible that the receiver
begins to resent the giver. in their subconscious.

so then, the giver starts to tip toe and mosey around the egg shells.

around the poverty
they were trying to help in the first place. because they’ve
created resentment amongst the receiving community.

resentment that they can’t identify. because they didn’t even know it existed.

they just feel its bitter presence.

i see it in my kids on the LES. i saw it overseas.
with the gypsies. and in haiti and india and nicaragua.

it’s the thing i struggle with most about poverty.

how do i help,
without enabling the hero mentality within me.

and

how do i help,
without enabling this destructive kind of dependence in the impoverished.

you know, the kind of dependence that stems resentment.

which quite possibly
could churn resentment into paralyze-ment.

where the resenting receiver just stays in their current state.
not achieving personal change. and instead, just hanging out.

resenting their state of receiving.

i do not think that
humanity was created to be life-lined-dependent among other humans.
but it’s a seemingly attempted cycle, anyway. 

and most impoverished person(s) will never turn down a handout.
which then, they most likely will start to confuse that handout as their human right.

instead of seeing that handout
as a gift to help them fund their own human rights.

to help them turn that handout into a platform for hard work that
earns their own food and roof and stable economy and quality of life.

to create their own sustainable days.
and i struggle with my role in this.

how do i help bridge this gap. without living like i am a gospel savior.
without enabling dependency upon my shoulders. because

clearly my bones weren’t designed strong enough to carry that weight.

i was born with bottled water. i sat in classrooms for 19years. and
i eat a surplus amount of elaborate cupcakes. adorned in sprinkles.

i have food and shelter and shoes and water. i have my human rights.

how can my everyday help bridge my human rights
with others that don’t share them.

how do i do this
without enabling dependency for a handout.

Tags: a prose essay., dependency, some GOSPEL thoughts., transparent thoughts.