if i can be honest with you,
i think it’s easiest to see in black vs white imagery.
where decisions and thoughts become mere plug-ins. where everything is cut. to fit inside a previously explored how-to. by somebody who is not you.
where everything feels dry.
i think
there are motives and underbelly hinges that swing the defining boundaries of black vs white back and forth.
i think
history teaches us this often. so therefore
i think
we have to consider all things. in context of one priority.
–
i grew up sensing hostility between races. i don’t know, i think children have such intuitive ears. you probably heard it, too. and it was never blunt. it was never intentional. but it was there.
i didn’t understand the comments i heard while in the line at the grocery store. or behind dressing room doors at the mall. or during small group time. i didn’t understand the egg shells of talking about the history of slavery. or the tippie-toes of talking about fair and equal opportunities in the workplace.
you know, there have been many laws passed in the last few decades to ensure the rights of equal race. and i was young. and i thought this tension was normal. but it wasn’t.
it was just still new. and fresh. trying to flesh out the rawness. because when i was born, integration was barely 20years strong. and you should’ve seen how immature i was at 20years old.
i recently realized that at the time of integration in the 60′s, history lessons in schools were still very one sided. the history of other cultures and their importance in american history wasn’t really taught. all the inventors and talent and masterminds that weren’t white were left out of eighth grade american history.
and of course, hindsight proves so clear. that this wasn’t intentional across the white board. it just resonates the sadness of how natural it is for humans to conveniently live the way we see others living.
the ways society was lived in previous generations. and i think change always happens when voices start to question. the mediocrity of black vs white.
of course, during these decades of integration amongst the races. it was goosebumpy powerful and exhilarating. and made you want to roll down your windows and let your hair blow into the outside.
–
the lincoln memorial is my favorite historical standing point.
i visit washington dc often. it is a soul retreat, if you will. and always on the sunday of my visit, i take a solo jog from my friend courtney’s house. and i run down capitol hill, across the mall, around the washington monument, and through the tree-lined pathway surrounding the reflecting pool.
the pathway that takes me to the steps of abraham.
and these are my favorite steps. and i like to sit by the columns to the left of lincoln’s hands. and i think about when MLK spoke from the top step. with honest abe backing him up with century-old words of equality. inscribed in stiff stone.
and i like to sit there. and statue-still my mind. to simply free it. so it can just simply absorb all the lessons of boldness.
and court always allows just enough time for me to enjoy the beautiful melancholy of it all. and then she picks me up and we drive to the store of tasty goodies. because she likes to spoil my freed mind. and i like it when she gives me tasty goodies.
and then i catch a bus back to newyorkcity. and i think about this.
–
about what it must’ve been like to live in the 1960′s. when both sides were stunned with new integrating information. and how they began to slowly discern truth through grey contexts. it had to have been over-stimulating, i can imagine.
i am sure it was hard. i am sure it was awkward. during the beginning stages, especially.
where the great-great-grandchildren of the oppressors began to understand that to enforce oppression isn’t healthy. and it isn’t justice. and it certainly isn’t truth. that the KKK doesn’t reflect the gospel, indeed. and that segregation shouldn’t be encouraged by christianity. during the beginning stages, when church goers began to process that it isn’t right to segregate just because it’s always been done like that. they began to process that the context of the gospel disbands any promotion of segregation found in the testaments. and that major reconciliation efforts needed to take place.
and it was the beginning of a process for the oppressed, too. to learn that their grandfather’s were american inventors and doctors and scientists and veterans that helped build america, too. and i am sure that process brought many phases of hurt and anger and bitterness. which probably led to first a slow-acceptance and then a spirited empowerment. which then if chosen, could’ve lead to forgiveness and then the will for teamwork.
i think both processes from both sides are important for all of us to understand. and to try to remember with grace. and to remember that in the context of those times, no one knew any differently. because it had seemingly always been black vs white. and it was just normal to fall into suit.
but the clarity of it all now flashes like a copout. like it was just an excuse to resist the betterment of change. to just settle for the closest comfortable context. and it wasn’t until the context was questioned, that black vs white began to integrate. that a deeper layer of freedom was found by all.
and i struggle with looking back to those times, thinking everyone was uber ignorant. and uber dumb. [no offense, silent generation. i promise.]
but then i get nervous. because parts of the church were right there with the ignorance. separating church services and having help in the kitchen.
and i wonder. in what ways will my grandchildren label me and my participance in church ignorant. what are we missing right now.
what context are we choosing right now. because i bet that it’s right there. hanging out beside me. in all of it’s legalistic forms. motivating my thoughts and relationships and judgements. and trying to control my context into the how-to of black vs white.
i catch myself thinking this way all the time. trying to fit my decisions into this colorless grid. instead of seeking the deep layers of discernment. instead of considering all things and decisions and opinions in context of the grey colored gospel.
like i said,
i think it’s easiest to see in black vs white imagery.
