keep your heart clean.

i don’t know, nana. this city just keeps me sharpened.
and i’m not trying to make myself sound heroic here, i swear.

no ang. any risk is heroic.

–
and then nana tells me this story of persistence and love. with details of mixing beautiful surrender and survival admist unfair circumstances. she told me about a woman who had strength.

strength inspired by her love for others.
for the other people she loved. about
how she fought to better their lives.

and right when we were about to get to the rejoice tears,

–
you know, the rejoice tears. the tears that you hold back for all-concentration purposes. and just keep them tucked behind sight until you’ve made it through the experience.

i don’t know, maybe it’s a woman thing. where we just blink a lot while rubbing our collar bones and breathing deep. forcing the tear-well to fill itself up at the bottom of our eyelids until we’re ready to recognize feelings.

the feeling that we are about to respond to some thing during some story.

any life-thing, really.
any something genuine and real
in any person’s story.

it’s like the response
to the realization that begins to process itself
when we hear other people’s experiences.
the seemingly sweet-pinch-of-a-vulnerable-reminder that

yes, through all the barriers and odds
we do live among other humans.

humans that feel

just
like
you.

just
like
me.

–
and right when we were just about to get to the rejoice tears of nana’s story.

the central park-great lawn guy was yelling
i don’t know how else to tell you. i don’t know how to say it. but the great lawn is closed. go home.

we had just finished our pizza picnic. and the sun had just disappeared behind the skyline. and there was a fresh breeze. and we weren’t ready to leave.

it is one of my favorite spots in the city, and nana hadn’t finished her story. but the lawn guy walked up to our beach rug, anyway. and i blurted,

you’re going to make us leave? right when we were about to get to the best part of a life story? we’re talking about love and survival and perseverance. with all the pain and goodness. mixed with some heroic risks. we’re talking about life here, you know. and you want us to leave?

[selfish sounding, i recognize]

ah, well ladies. what do you want to know. i can tell you a few good stories. you see, this is what i do. people see me and think i’m the mean-black-lawn-guy that makes them leave after sunset. but this isn’t who i am.

i live life. and i could share all the stories you want. but all you need to hear tonight is this:

you know what you should do when you’re surviving and persevering and taking in the pain and the goodness? you know what you should do when you’re faced with risks?

you do it. you go through it.
you don’t skip yourself around it.
you don’t put it on the backburner.

you feel it. you do it.

you
live.

and
you
love
while
living.

and that’s how you keep your heart clean.
you live best – by keeping your heart clean.

and don’t be fooled. there’s naturally a lot of junk that gets stored inside there. you will have to work to clean it out. and you will always have to work to keep it cleaned out.

but look for how you clean your heart.
and look for how others clean their heart.

because that’s what the creator sees. he sees
how people do their best to keep their hearts clean.

and that will just naturally produce many stories of love and survival and perseverance. with all the pain and goodness. mixed with some heroic risks, of course.

choose the
braveness

to live yourself
through it all.

–
and right before he put back on the yelling voice.
[to make people like me and nana finally listen. and pack up their picnics.]

he told us that his name was stephen.

and i like stephen.
stephen helps keep the great lawn clean, yes.
that is what he does. but that is not all that he is.

like i said,
this city keeps me sharpened.

Tags: central park, great lawn, life, risks